1. INTRODUCTION

AYSO has a zero-tolerance policy for referee abuse, but knowing how to successfully deal with challenging coaches is often only discussed at Intermediate or Advanced referee training classes. However, no referee should have to deal with unsavory comments from a coach as it can interfere with your focus and detract from your enjoyment of the game.  It is also imperative at all age levels for referees to protect our youth assistant referees by instructing them during pre-game to gain your attention if they hear any poor behavior from a coach or spectator on their touchline.  We don’t want any referees deciding they don’t want to keep refereeing due to touchline comments.  Hopefully you’ll only need this advice with coaches from outside our region such as during EXTRA or U14+ games, but better to be prepared even for a Core U10 match.

Many referees develop their own styles of dealing with coaches which can include humor, repeated mentioning of “kids” or AYSO’s “Safe, Fair and Fun” philosophy to remind coaches this is AYSO, etc.  In my experience, extended back-and-forth discussion typically does not help the situation, so I’m going to share a technique I saw for exactly what to do and say.

2. THE FOUR “P’s”

You can find a lengthy list of specific coach actions that deserve a caution or send off in AYSO Referee Guidelines (pages 29-30) or IFAB Laws of the Game (pages 107-108).  However, the most common issue with coaches is typically dissent (in short, a public protest or disagreement with a match official’s decision).  A common rule of thumb for judging the threshold for dissent is the “Four P’s”:

• Personal
  
• Public
  
• Provocative (to stir up, incite or enrage others)
• Persistent

If a player or coach makes a statement about you (Personal) loudly enough for others to hear (Public) and calls into question your authority as referee (Provocative), then that certainly qualifies.  Examples include “That was a $#**ty call, ref!”, “You’re the worst ref I’ve ever seen!”, “Are you blind?”, “Ref, that’s terrible!”, “Do your job before someone gets hurt!”,  or “You need to go back to referee training!”.  Note that there are also non-verbal instances of dissent that warrant a caution such as throwing/kicking drink bottles, sarcastic clapping, or persistently gesturing for a yellow card.

The 4th “P” for Persistent can warrant cautioning a coach (if behavior continues after a warning) for ongoing comments that do not meet the criteria of the other “P’s”, which are typically emotional outbursts, e.g., questioning nearly every call, or constant small comments that distract your attention away from the game.  Statements that might fall into this category include “he got the ball first!”, “we don’t get those type of fouls!”, “call it both ways!”, or “come on ref!”. 

Whether you choose to issue a warning or go straight to cautioning with a yellow card is your choice depending on the severity of what was said/done.  You may be tempted to avoid confrontation and ignore players or coaches, but doing so will likely make things worse.  If you don’t take action then it will encourage more dissent.

3. ADVICE TO HELP PREVENT DISSENT

Be mindful not to be the one to escalate any tension with a coach.  Sometimes a question from a coach is simply a question…if you hear “What was the call, I didn’t see it?”, then simply give a factual answer; not every question directed towards a referee has the intention of dissent.  You are not obligated to explain any of your calls (it is your decision if you want to explain one or two), but stating a brief reason for your call/non-call can demonstrate that you know the Laws (perhaps better than the coach) and prevent further coach comments, but say it and get back to the game…don’t engage in follow-up debate with the coach.  Keep it very simple such as “From my view on the field that contact did not constitute a foul” or “the challenge was not within playing distance of the ball” or “she can play from the ground if it’s not dangerous” or “it was ball to hand, not hand to ball”. 

4. “ASK, TELL (CAUTION), DISMISS (SEND OFF)” PROCEDURE and SCRIPT

The ideal way to handle a problematic team official is some form of Ask, Tell, Dismiss which sometimes gets broadened to: Stern Look >> Talk >> Warn (Ask) >> Caution (Tell) >> Send Off (Dismiss) >> Suspend >> Terminate

Here is a minimalist script from Cal North Referees (40-minute YouTube video) that I really like because it avoids any inflammatory language and does not invite prolonged conversation.  At each step, take notes in your wallet including what minute of the game you took action.

1. WARN (ASK): “Coach, your behavior right now is irresponsible.  Please stop.” Say this after stopping the game and standing roughly 3 yards away from the coach.  Use a calm, respectful but firm voice. 
   The use of “irresponsible behavior” is directly from the Laws and is in fact the only reason a coach can be dismissed from a match.  
   
   
2. CAUTION (TELL): “Coach, your behavior right now is irresponsible.  If it continues, you will be dismissed from this match.  Do you understand?”  Show the yellow card, return to the center of the field and write your notes for the match report.  
   This wording is nonconfrontational because you never mention yourself as the referee; this is much preferred over “I’m going to throw you out of the match”.  Do not answer questions like “what am I doing wrong?” other than to say they are behaving irresponsibly.  Do not leave that interaction unless you get a positive confirmation that they understand (a “yes’, head nod, or turn around and sit down).  Allow them to get in the last word and simply walk away so long as that comment does not warrant an immediate send off; do not immediately issue a 2nd caution if there is moderate back talk.
   
   
3. SEND OFF (DISMISS): “Coach, you are dismissed” and show a 2nd yellow card then a red card.  You should meet your referee partners at the center of the field, and wait for the Coach to leave.

5. FREQUENTLY ASKES QUESTIONS (F.A.Q.s)

WHAT IF I CAN’T IDENTIFY WHICH COACH SAID SOMETHING?
From Law 5, the referee “takes action against team officials who fail to act in a responsible manner and warns or shows a yellow card for a caution or a red card for a sending-off from the field of play and its immediate surrounds, including the technical area; if the offender cannot be identified, the senior coach present in the technical area will receive the sanction.”

CAN I ISSUE CAUTIONS AFTER THE MATCH IS OVER?
From Law 5, the referee “has the authority to take disciplinary action from entering the field of play for the pre-match inspection until leaving the field of play after the match ends”.  Thus it’s a good idea to stay on the pitch until you are convinced that coaches don’t have anything further to say.  If an incident occurs once you have left the field of play, don’t show a card but fill out a match report with the details same as you would.

WHAT ABOUT SPECTATORS?
The same process can be used for dealing with spectators via the coach.  Emotional outbursts from spectators might include “Ref, that’s a foul!”, “Come on ref, protect the players!” or “Call it both ways!”.  However, if the comments escalate to “You’re horrible!” or “How much did they pay you?!?” then consider taking action.  Referees and Assistant referees (ARs) should not address or acknowledge spectators.  If spectator behavior gets to a point that the AR feels intervention is needed, they should gain the attention of the referee (who may not be hearing the spectator comments)  and once the game is stopped, enter the field to explain the situation to the referee.  Then the referee can use a similar approach as above in asking the coach to modify the behavior of their sideline.

1. “Coach, the behavior of the spectators is irresponsible.  Unfortunately we are not able to continue this match until the issue is resolved.”
   It’s clear what team the spectators are rooting for.  If a coach claims they are not their spectators and refuses to do anything, simply restate and stand still for a few minutes…do not restart the match.  Ultimately either spectators who are not part of the problem will intervene, or players will identify the problematic spectators.

DO I REALLY HAVE TO DISMISS A COACH OR SPECTATOR?
If you do not dismiss the coach, you will most likely lose control of the game, in part because you did not do what you said would in the Tell step. That team official (or player) needs to retreat to a distance such that they are out of visual sight of the game.  Should the coach refuse to leave the field area, simply tell him or her, “Coach, if you refuse to leave the field area, I will be forced to terminate this match because of your actions.”  Terminate the match if the coach or spectator still refuses to retreat to the required distance.

WHEN SHOULD I GO STRAIGT TO A RED CARD?
If any abuse involves foul language or actions/physical gestures; racial, gender, ethnic or religious slurs; and is personally directed at you or a player – Send-Off or Dismiss the offender immediately.  This includes a verbal statement or physical act that implies or threatens physical harm to a match official or their property, even though no bodily contact is made, e.g., “I’ll meet you in the parking lot!” or “I’ll see you after the game!”.  If it escalates to an intentional act of physical violence, call 9-1-1.

IS THERE ANOTHER TECHNIQUE THAT’S LESS RIGID?
If you feel more comfortable with a less rigid approach, here are some phrases I’ve heard other referees say the use.  If you are going to freelance, be sure you don’t make threatening statements like “Coach, is your assistant coach warmed up?” or “One more word out of you and you’re out of here!”.  Avoid actions that can antagonize the coach into being more aggressive such as making statements that convey a power trip, pointing a finger, or being face-to-face in close proximity.

 1) WARN (ASK)

• “Coach – please, I am refereeing the game. Let me do my job without your help.”
• “Coach – Is this type of behavior going to continue?”
• “Coach – I hear you, but please let me referee the game.”
• “Coach – you’ve had your say, now that’s enough. Please no more.”
• “Coach – it's the referee's decision, there's no need to comment further.” 

2) CAUTION (TELL)  

• “Coach – I am telling you your behavior is not acceptable. Please change it or I am going to have to take further action.”
• “Coach – the decision is yours.”
• “Coach – the kids are watching us, you’re the leader of the team”

3) SEND OFF (DISMISS)

• “Coach – please leave the field. The match will not continue the game until you are gone. If you don’t leave, we will end the match.”